~ah..JUNE!!~

It's coming to the end of JUNE!! As i glance over my Sushi King Calender, alot of symbols, alot of ticks and crosses. This year of June isn't as smooth as before, alot of tears and sadness, but in the end, everything when on pretty good towards the end of the month.

Mr. Jay have been here last night. At last, we have a chance to meet up. Every meeting that we've planned turns out to dissapointment, but at last, at last, everything worth waiting for after all.

Have been to Aloha and Poppy last night. One of the happening pubs in KL. This is going to be my first and my last time going to PUB. It was just an o.k. because Mr. Jay had been accompanied me the whole night. Felt so sorry about that.

I just don't fit in the crowd, the banging of music, the swaying with the music. I rather sit at home, listening to either Kenny G's album or perhaps Vanessa Mae, or swaying with the sentimental music. Anyway, the night ends at 3 a.m.

Lastly, happy new month..

::kuanru:: signing off

~Let's go~

There are alot of places i really, really need to go. Backpack perhaps. I never had an experience of backpacking before. Need advices here.

1. Pulau Redang or any island in Malaysia. God.I'm born in Malaysia but i never been even to a small island in Malaysia. Well, Penang is exceptional. So, the first place i would like to go would be Pulau Redang, which, according to whoever that have been there before, it's a very nice place. So, going to this place is a MUST for me. I don't think the expenses would be heavy as compared to other places in my list of dream vacation.

2. Hong Kong will be my next destination. Well, i'm still planning about this trip and still saving for it. Wish me luck. :D Any advice?? Heard that the public transport of Hong Kong is very, very convenient, if compared to Malaysia. Hell i've to wait for two hours sometimes to reach home from work, sometimes even longer. Back to the topic: Hong Kong. It was a legendary place of shopping and eating. Come on, I can't go to Florida's Disneyland; but please at least allow me to go to Hong Kong's Disneyland.

3. Maldives. This place will be my dream forever, i think. This trip will not be cheap, and i think i have to save even longer if i want my dream to come true. Well, not if i married to a young Donald Trump. I know, i know, back to reality. This will always be in my list of dream vacation.

4. If Maldives is a faraway dream, why not Bali. It's a nice place tho'. Come on, i love beaches, but not BITCHES. I never went to beautiful beaches for a long long time. Pantai Cahaya Bulan is not a BEAUTIFUL beach, ok? Bali, bali.. Hmm... I need advices, OK? Thanks

5. Of course the Europe. Thinking of Europe, hmm... Currency, currency, currency.. Perhaps, can give it a try. :D

Mr. Jay... I'm counting you in ok? =D

::kuanru:: signing off

~selfish~

I won't ever trust in you AGAIN!! when i say again means again. Don't ask me to help you. I WON'T!!

::kuanru:: signing off *super piss off*

~today..~

Today, finally, everything is turning better. Will it last? I'm not going to sleep tonight, in case this is just a dream, and afraid that everything will be gone after i wakeup. Finally, i've got answer to my every questions.

Friday, I'm looking forward toward this day. Hopfully, everything will go on smoothly. Tomorrow would be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and FRIDAY!! The day of love, the day of joy, the day of hope!!

Let's welcome FRIDAY with open arms. :D

::kuanru:: signing off

~gratitudes~

So happy to receive comments from my readers. I'll take it as a compliment. Thanks you guys. Because of these compliments, i knew that there are still people who are reading my blog. Thanks. I'll keep it up, to improve.
Gratitudes goes out to you guys. I appreciate it alot. Love you guys muchie..

::kuanru:: signing off

~empty promises~

Too much of dissapointments. Dissapointments, dissapointments and more dissapointments.

Why can't i learn from mistakes?
Why can't i learn from the past?
Why can't i be strong?
Why can't my happiness last for more than two days?

Just when i started to think everything is getting fine, every good little thing is coming my way, it turns out to be that i'm wrong. Today is the day i'm looking forward to for almost a month or two, the day which suppose to full with joy and laughter, the day of love, but, in the end, it turn out to be full with sorrow, full with tears, full with dissapointments and heartache.

When will things get better, i wonder. I've no strength to move on. I'm too weak to accept more and more dissapointments. Please give me strength to move on.

::kuanru:: signing off *empty promises brings dissapointments*

~...~

Alot of things i've learnt from work. I realized that everyone is the same. There's gossips everywhere. Maybe gossiping is a must for everyone, or perhaps most women.

Anyway, i would like to introduce this little sweetheart.

*little samantha*

She's so, so, cute!! The way she speaks. The way she laugh. How i wish she was mine.Hehe.. I'm thinking way too far, i know.

The end of this post. And i would like to wish Mr. Jay Happy Burfday!!

::kuanru:: signing off *i'm waiting..*

~i'll love you~

"you have heard it was said, 'Love you neighbour and hate your enemy.'

But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:43-44)"

Hence, my mission: To love my enemy, and say their names in my prayer. I'll pray to God to help me forgive, and help me to love them.

I'm starting to love them. I really do. Big hands to me will ya?

::kuanru:: signing off

~Happy Father's Day~

Yesterday was Father's Day. I hope that i was not too late to blog about this wonderful day.

I sms-ed papa yesterday, wishing him Happy Father's Day. When i received his reply, my tears started rolling down. And at that moment, i realised how much i missed home, how much i feel like going back. Although its a very short message, but i'm really touched. I was at church yesterday when i sms-ed him, it was a sharing session by my boss about her father. Part of me was touched by her story, and then i thought back about my papa, and god, i'm homesick again!! Please bring me back!!

I always think that papa is very fierce, very stern, but i know, everything he did, he did it for the family. Sometimes he's funny. A simple joke can make the whole family laugh our heart out. He had lots of friends around him, adn very helpful at the same time. My papa is very hardworking. But anyhow, he was always being complained.

Since i was young, papa is the sun, and mummy is the moon. Both of them will always be there for us no matter what. Although papa never express his love to us like mummy do, he never told us that he love us, he never praise us, he never complain about his work, about his problem to us, but as i grew up, i slowly understand what he went through. And we know that, he love us, and he do everything for us.

Papa, thanks for everything. and don't forget my mummy. Don't get jealous pulak. I love both of them dearly.

::kuanru:: signing off *dance with my father by Luther Vandross*

~I've learnt..~

My supervisor once told me, 'work hard, but know how to love yourself, once in awhile, buy stuff for yourself, spoil yourself.'

I've been going through really, really hard time for the past few weeks. And i guess it's time for me to keep moving on. I know, some of you, or everyone of you might say, 'you should do it long long time ago'. Here I am, learning to get up, and fly free. Learning to laugh out loud, laugh from my heart. I belief, i can do it!

So, to love myself, i would like to buy myself some nice nice dresses and tops. And here I am, online shopping AGAIN! However, i still haven't makeup my mind which one to buy and also i don't have money. Anyone willing to sponsor me? i promise, i won't reject. :)

::kuanru:: signing off *love ME*

~Meaning Of Life~

I've learnt the meaning of life during the trip to Johor. Well, it was my first time been there. I can say that the experience is not only good, but it's excellent. I not only get the knowledge and experience, but i suddenly get the meaning of life, the meaning of love. With the love of God, knowing that he will be the one always by our side, giving us strength, giving everyone all his love, I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I am not alone!! I am loved.

::kuanru:: signing off

~T_T~

HELP!!!

I need to get out from this. But how? I'm running out of tears. Again and again.. i was pull down to earth from heaven. Can i still wait for another day? Can i still wait for a week? Will i still be survive till then? I'm starting to get tired. I'm starting to get really depress. I need an explanation. I need someone to tell me what to do, what not to do. I need strength. I need a shoulder to cry on. I've forgotten how to smile again. I've forgotten the meaning of joke. I'm trembling. I'm shivering. All of the sudden, i'm cold all over. I wanted to cry out loud, but i can't. My heart hurt so deep inside, it's like thousand of slashes on it.

Relax! Relax! Relax!

Deep Breath! Deep Breath! Deep Breath!

It won't help. How? How am i going to pass through all this.
Dear God, please hold my hand, and lead me out of this miserable life..
I've no more strength to play this game anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm tired.

::kuanru:: signing off *helpless*

~Happy Birthday~

To my two beloved Gemini, who play a very important part in my life, who can make my mood goes up and down, who are both intelligent and mature than me obviously, who takes good care of me alot:

!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Miss Lee Kuan Peng

&

Mr Gan Jay Han

Today is my sis's burfday, and mr. Jay's burfday will be next week. Wish both of you Happy Burfday!!

"Hope lovely surprises are coming you way,

to make your birthday a wonderful day"

*Miss and Mr Gemini*

::kuanru:: signing off

~they'll never learn~

First of all, i would like to APOLOGIZE for the previous superduper emo posts. SORRY!!! Many friends had shown their concern which makes me very touched. Thanks guys.. Would like to tell you guys that, I'M ALRIGHT! Sorry for making you guys worry, it's time for me to grow up right?

Ok. Back to the title.

I'm not sure wether this is the culture of the Malaysians or this happen at other country as well. But, it's totally very annoying..

Here goes..

I reached LRT station quite late today, around 8am because i need to passup my FYP at uni before i went for my training. To my surprise, people were q-ing up to wait for the train. At that time, i was thinking, since when these people know how to line up. Big hands to them and thumbs up. *Clap with joy* Before i finish thinking, the train arrived. Walao@, as soon as the train open the door, people start pushing each other to get in the train..where is the lining up attitude 5 minutes before?

One fat lady, used her big tummy to push me to squeeze herself into the train. Walao@ My space was already so, so small, and yet, she is still pushing herself in. Where you think should i stand? on your head arr..? CAN'T YOU WAIT FOR THE NEXT TRAIN? IT WASN'T 1 HOUR FOR THE NEXT ARRIVAL, JUST 3 MINUTES, OK? i almost fall down ok?

Why like that one??

::kuanru:: signing off

~A Letter For Myself~

Dear kuanru,

No matter what happen, you have to stand up again. You have to face the reality, you have to let go, and keep on moving. You've taken too much of time. You've alot of things to do. You've alot of things to take care of. He is moving on with his life, you can't hold back. You have to be strong. It's not the end of the world.

See, everyone is watching at you. Everyone is still by your side. Everyone is there to support you. You're not alone. Give yourself an experience. Give yourself a chance to love again, to be love again. Give yourself a chance to strive for a better tomorrow.

Gurl, don't cry. Because the sun will still be shining tomorrow. Everything will still moving on. Get up. Prepare yourself, and strive for a better future. When he say 'sorry', you've to say 'thank you'. Be yourself. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. You've done your best.

I love you. And i'm sure you're a brave gurl. I'm looking forward for your smile. Take care.

With love,

kuanru

~What Are The Consequences?~

HEADLINE: PETROL PRICE UP BY RM0.78

It was a long, long jam outside every petrol station last night. One friend of mine offer to send me back from work yesterday. Isn't she a darling? On our way back from OUG, whenever we pass by a petrol station, there's a jam. Can u imagine that? Heavy traffic all the way, especially near SS2. She decided to join in the queue and was fully supported by me. Nyehehe.. Who knows, the petrol station worker said that it is going to run out of stock because everyone wants full tank, full tank, full tank.Wah..luckily we are just in time. :D

Everything is going to be superduper expensive, everything is increasing, will salary be increasing too?

Anyway, followed by the increase of petrol price, what will be next? you guess?

My prediction:

1. Everything will be increase (electric bill; public transport fare; my favourite chicken rice; curry mee; all my favourite food) and indirectly it will affect my daily expenses. Arghh... I'm trying hard to save here, can't you seeeeee???

2. Public transport will be more pack than before, which means, more and more sardin will be in a can

3. I'll be draining away. Less meals to be taken, less money will be save, and i'll all dry up.

What to do, what to do? Money not enough..What to do? I was thinking about this matter all the time. It's high time for me to do something. Money, Money, Money..

::kuanru:: signing off *it'll be over soon*

~Songs That Make Me Cry~

I've been so, so, emotional lately. Almost everynight i went to bed, rest my head on my pillow, close my eyes, all the memories flew back into my mind. Whole day i kept myself busy so that i won't think of our past, but until at night, it all return back to me. And then, my tears start streaming down, i can't even control myself. I want to be strong, I want to be tough, but, I'm helpless. I know, it needs time, but it happen too fast. I love him, but now, we haven't contact each other for so, so, long. I'm afraid..I'm scared..

I don't understand alot of things. I need an explanation. But, he can't give me an explanation. Why? being in a relationship is really not easy, especially long distance relationship. But, I don't want to accept the fact, i don't want to know the truth, cause it might be very cruel, very very cruel, every truth slash my heart. Every promises are broken. I won't believe in promises anymore.

This few days, these songs accompanied me to sleep, i'll drop my tears whenever i listened to them.
1. Jay Chou's 'tui hou'
2.Jay Chou's and Landy's 'san hu hai' (our song. I still remembered how we sing together and dance together with this song, repeated it again and again)
3.Karyn White's 'Superwoman' (every words in the lyric are my feelings now)
I think every sentimental songs i listen when i'm sad makes me cry.

::kuanru:: signing off *if time can turn back..*

~Don't Wake Me Up Untill August Ends~

Have started my internship yesterday. It was a very stressful day yesterday. Stress does not came from the workplace, but, it's from me myself. Because one day before i hardly get into sleep. I slept like 4:30am and wakeup at 6:15am. My eyes look like panda. No matter how early i slept last night, i don't seem like gaining any energy until the end of the day. Well, looks like i failed the resolution that i set for myself. *slap self*. Mummy always said, almost everyday said:"Failing to plan is planning to fail". Well, i did plan, only my plan does not work out, so, i'm not planning to fail. *bluek*

~my eyes were like his~

Working at Shuang Fu is not bad, and actually is good, only thing that make me lazy to get up in the morning is that i have to wait for the bus, for the lrt, and for the bus again. Most of the time waiting for the public transport. And FYI, Putra LRT in the morning is so damn PACK. So many people. I'm waiting at the fourth station from the starting point, and the train is already pack like sardin in the can. And i realized the LRT move slower in the morning, maybe is because of the weight of people it carries. When LRT reached, people start pushing, pushing, pushing. I kena push inside and outside the LRT always. I have a suggestion, is it better if the company add more cabin to the train?

These people really make me angry. Slowly, slowly cannot one meh!! Inside no place to stand also liao you still want to push. @#$%*

When I'm inside the sardin LRT, i have to smell people's armpit. Can you imagine that? Because i'm not tall, (in other word, short, which i hate to say), people around me are so tall, i was stuck in the middle of whole lot bunch of tall guy, ya, guy, when they reached out for the handle in the train, i hardly breath. DUH!!! I'm like a mushroom in the forest full of trees...can u imagin that?


I wonder how am I going to stand with these public transport for this 3 months.


::kuanru:: signing off *i'm still hoping you to reach out for me*

~homesick~

Have been back to Section 17, PJ just now in the morning. I don't know why, this is my third year here, leaving my family, but i still cry before i left. Last night, thinking that i'm going to leave my home sweet home early in the morning, my tears start streaming down. I'm a cry baby, i admit it. I cannot control myself very well, i will get very emotional very easily, you can say that i'm not mature, i admit. But i really love my home.

I don't like hectic lifestyle, I hate it. Internship will be going to start tomorrow. I'm starting to get nervous. Hope everything goes well during this whole semester.

New semester, new resolution:

1. Sleep early. I'll make sure that i'm in bed 10pm-11pm. I found that my eye bed is getting terrible after those days where i watch dramas till 3 to 4 in the morning. Somemore i've to wakeup at 6am in the morning during internship. Earlier than the muslim starts their surau at 6:15am. By the way, the mosque is just opposite my house. Many might ask, will you be awaken by the early alarm from the mosque? my answer is, i'm used to it.

2. Eat healthily. From now onward, i'll be going to take care of my skin and also myself. I've a terrible skin. I don't know how to cure it. i bought all sort of lotions, but still, no result. Maybe vege may really help. And i've to cut down the meat.

::kuanru:: signing off *good luck*