~selfish~

I won't ever trust in you AGAIN!! when i say again means again. Don't ask me to help you. I WON'T!!

::kuanru:: signing off *super piss off*

~empty promises~

Too much of dissapointments. Dissapointments, dissapointments and more dissapointments.

Why can't i learn from mistakes?
Why can't i learn from the past?
Why can't i be strong?
Why can't my happiness last for more than two days?

Just when i started to think everything is getting fine, every good little thing is coming my way, it turns out to be that i'm wrong. Today is the day i'm looking forward to for almost a month or two, the day which suppose to full with joy and laughter, the day of love, but, in the end, it turn out to be full with sorrow, full with tears, full with dissapointments and heartache.

When will things get better, i wonder. I've no strength to move on. I'm too weak to accept more and more dissapointments. Please give me strength to move on.

::kuanru:: signing off *empty promises brings dissapointments*

~T_T~

HELP!!!

I need to get out from this. But how? I'm running out of tears. Again and again.. i was pull down to earth from heaven. Can i still wait for another day? Can i still wait for a week? Will i still be survive till then? I'm starting to get tired. I'm starting to get really depress. I need an explanation. I need someone to tell me what to do, what not to do. I need strength. I need a shoulder to cry on. I've forgotten how to smile again. I've forgotten the meaning of joke. I'm trembling. I'm shivering. All of the sudden, i'm cold all over. I wanted to cry out loud, but i can't. My heart hurt so deep inside, it's like thousand of slashes on it.

Relax! Relax! Relax!

Deep Breath! Deep Breath! Deep Breath!

It won't help. How? How am i going to pass through all this.
Dear God, please hold my hand, and lead me out of this miserable life..
I've no more strength to play this game anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm tired.

::kuanru:: signing off *helpless*

~Songs That Make Me Cry~

I've been so, so, emotional lately. Almost everynight i went to bed, rest my head on my pillow, close my eyes, all the memories flew back into my mind. Whole day i kept myself busy so that i won't think of our past, but until at night, it all return back to me. And then, my tears start streaming down, i can't even control myself. I want to be strong, I want to be tough, but, I'm helpless. I know, it needs time, but it happen too fast. I love him, but now, we haven't contact each other for so, so, long. I'm afraid..I'm scared..

I don't understand alot of things. I need an explanation. But, he can't give me an explanation. Why? being in a relationship is really not easy, especially long distance relationship. But, I don't want to accept the fact, i don't want to know the truth, cause it might be very cruel, very very cruel, every truth slash my heart. Every promises are broken. I won't believe in promises anymore.

This few days, these songs accompanied me to sleep, i'll drop my tears whenever i listened to them.
1. Jay Chou's 'tui hou'
2.Jay Chou's and Landy's 'san hu hai' (our song. I still remembered how we sing together and dance together with this song, repeated it again and again)
3.Karyn White's 'Superwoman' (every words in the lyric are my feelings now)
I think every sentimental songs i listen when i'm sad makes me cry.

::kuanru:: signing off *if time can turn back..*

~Learn...~

Learn from mistakes, learn from the past, learn from others' experience, that will make me a better person. Although the learning process might be painful sometimes, but i learnt. It's hard to let go, but i have to stand on my own feet, i have to LEARN!! That's what people do right? My friend once told me, 'never get angry!! Don't punish yourself with others' mistakes'. It's so true.

From today onwards, i promise myself, i'll learn, for my future, for my own, and for my family. Nothing is more important than that. I'll learn, learn and learn.

::kuanru:: signing off

~just do it~

I'm getting used to it. Without his sms, without his phone calls, without chatting on either yahoo messenger or MSN, sometimes i even had forgotten that he actually do exist. It's been quite awhile living without him, but, i'm sure, i can do it.

Anyway, holidays will be over soon. I can't believe i spend my holiday just like that. Nowadays have been driving in and out, become my brother's nanny. I need some fresh air. Perhaps hanging around KB Mall, which i think is the only happening place in my hometown.

One more week to go, and i'll start my internship. I can't imagine how life will be in that three n half months. Waking up 6am in the morning or earlier, waking earlier than anybody else in the house, struggling out from bed, spending RM7 per day just for transportation, coming back home when it was dark, FYI, i never step out of house after 6pm, b'cause it's getting dark, but during internship...i've no idea. three n half months, it's not too long, and not so short. So, i think i can do it.

By the way, MU won the UEFA Champions League 2008 at Moscow, beating Chelsea with 5-4. Well, no comment with the result. Bcause i'm not so into football anyway. *wink*

::kuanru:: signing off *there'll be a better tomorrow*