~ At last.. ~

At last, i drop my tears. At last, i let my heart out. I've cried to sleep. All this while, i thought i'm strong enough, to manage everything myself. But, i'm wrong. I thought i'm tough, but actually i'm so weak, very weak. I kept everything to myself. All the problems, all the sadness, i kept it deep inside myself, seldom did i portray it. All this while, i wear a smile on my face, to cover all the sadness inside me.

Listen to songs in my lappie. Every songs remind me of you. Every songs have a story behind. Every songs are my favourite. You know me best of what songs i like.

But now, it seems like you are so far away. Every now and then, these songs accompanied me throughout the restless nights, whenever when i'm overloaded with stress.

How can I go on alone?

::kuanru:: signing off

~ how i wish to go home ~

Sis sms-ed me just now. She asked me when is my holiday and when will I be going back. It's been really hectic for me nowadays. T______T

Especially during this industrial training, which sometimes i think it's over my limit. I think i need a break. I'm really tired. No doubt i do enjoy myself really very much this few months, and i guess it's really hard for me to say goodbye when time comes.

It's not the workload that makes me tired, but i'm really tired of waking up so early in the morning, waiting for the transport, rushing to get the earliest bus, afraid that i might be late, and rushing back from work in case the skies get dark. I came out from home before sunrise, and came home after sunset. It's been a long time since the last time i experience sun at PJ.

Sometimes, as i'm counting the days, how i wish i were at home. I never felt so homesick before. I'm craving for mummy's cooking. I miss my bed. I miss everything at home. I want to go home.. At home i can lay on the bed whole day watching series and dramas, walking here and there without doing anything useful, chit-chating with mummy and having hi-tea at some shops. I'm tired lor..i really am..how? when i reached my workplace, i don't feel tired because i can start talking to ease my sleepiness. However, when i reached home, i was like half alive, i don't feel my legs belong to me anymore. My supervisors trested me very good, they offer me to sleep at the centre, but..but..there's always a BUT..i don't think it's a good idea, which i don't know why!!

and FYI, it's mid year sales now, whoever interested to go shopping with me? anyone???

::kuanru:: signing off

~ it's good to be home ~

Have been leaving home for quite some days. I felt that it's really comfortable to sleep on a bed where i used to. Although the place that they provided is really good, with air-cond, attached bathroom in every room, heater shower, but, i don't why, these few days i can't even sleep well. Anyway, here I am. :)

Although it's been a really hectic week last week, but indeed i'm enjoying myself to the fullest. I've been going to this place and that, meeting this people and that people, it's really a very good experience. THANKS!!

::kuanru:: signing off *more updates*

~Happy Father's Day~

Yesterday was Father's Day. I hope that i was not too late to blog about this wonderful day.

I sms-ed papa yesterday, wishing him Happy Father's Day. When i received his reply, my tears started rolling down. And at that moment, i realised how much i missed home, how much i feel like going back. Although its a very short message, but i'm really touched. I was at church yesterday when i sms-ed him, it was a sharing session by my boss about her father. Part of me was touched by her story, and then i thought back about my papa, and god, i'm homesick again!! Please bring me back!!

I always think that papa is very fierce, very stern, but i know, everything he did, he did it for the family. Sometimes he's funny. A simple joke can make the whole family laugh our heart out. He had lots of friends around him, adn very helpful at the same time. My papa is very hardworking. But anyhow, he was always being complained.

Since i was young, papa is the sun, and mummy is the moon. Both of them will always be there for us no matter what. Although papa never express his love to us like mummy do, he never told us that he love us, he never praise us, he never complain about his work, about his problem to us, but as i grew up, i slowly understand what he went through. And we know that, he love us, and he do everything for us.

Papa, thanks for everything. and don't forget my mummy. Don't get jealous pulak. I love both of them dearly.

::kuanru:: signing off *dance with my father by Luther Vandross*

~homesick~

Have been back to Section 17, PJ just now in the morning. I don't know why, this is my third year here, leaving my family, but i still cry before i left. Last night, thinking that i'm going to leave my home sweet home early in the morning, my tears start streaming down. I'm a cry baby, i admit it. I cannot control myself very well, i will get very emotional very easily, you can say that i'm not mature, i admit. But i really love my home.

I don't like hectic lifestyle, I hate it. Internship will be going to start tomorrow. I'm starting to get nervous. Hope everything goes well during this whole semester.

New semester, new resolution:

1. Sleep early. I'll make sure that i'm in bed 10pm-11pm. I found that my eye bed is getting terrible after those days where i watch dramas till 3 to 4 in the morning. Somemore i've to wakeup at 6am in the morning during internship. Earlier than the muslim starts their surau at 6:15am. By the way, the mosque is just opposite my house. Many might ask, will you be awaken by the early alarm from the mosque? my answer is, i'm used to it.

2. Eat healthily. From now onward, i'll be going to take care of my skin and also myself. I've a terrible skin. I don't know how to cure it. i bought all sort of lotions, but still, no result. Maybe vege may really help. And i've to cut down the meat.

::kuanru:: signing off *good luck*