~ Wish you all the best ~

It's been quite a long time since i last updated my blog. Too many feelings, too many things had happened..I wanted to cry, but somehow, something, someone, hold back my tears.

Since the last message, since the last goodbye, we never contact again. Our story had come to an end, and i know it's time to let go and bit goodbye. It's really hard for me. Somehow, during that time, i wish he can say something to bring us back together, but, he din't. And from then, i know, he wanted this to happened. I appreciate the happy times we had been together. The ups and downs, and the tears and laughter we had shared together...

I know, i have to let go. I admit, i felt heartache, struggling to make this decision. But, i understand clearly, i'm not the one he love anymore. Since months ago. Since that day, when i was neglected, since the day i cried and felt helpless the most. My dear friend knew me best. She had accompanied me all this while. I'm too, very happy that, she support me with this decision. Thanks my dear..

Anyway, i wish him all the best, in everything, in every aspect. I really wish that we're friends, but i know, it's impossible. I hope he's happy, with what had happened..

::kuanru:: signing off *don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened*

~ The Path That I've Chosen ~

08.08.08

A date to remember. I've made a decision to choose a path that i never had think of. To love, or not to love. To give up, or not to give up. I know, today, this path that i've chosen will not be easy, this path needs alot of attention, this path needs patience, this path will even make me cry. But, because of him, i've learn alot. And because of him, i learn new experience. Because of him, i rather give up, and because of him, i know what to do.

I know, who needs me. I know, who should I be with. I hope that, i can change the reality. I can change the impossible into possible. Let love leads the way. Let God be the witness, and give us strength to move on.


::kuanru:: signing off

~ At last.. ~

At last, i drop my tears. At last, i let my heart out. I've cried to sleep. All this while, i thought i'm strong enough, to manage everything myself. But, i'm wrong. I thought i'm tough, but actually i'm so weak, very weak. I kept everything to myself. All the problems, all the sadness, i kept it deep inside myself, seldom did i portray it. All this while, i wear a smile on my face, to cover all the sadness inside me.

Listen to songs in my lappie. Every songs remind me of you. Every songs have a story behind. Every songs are my favourite. You know me best of what songs i like.

But now, it seems like you are so far away. Every now and then, these songs accompanied me throughout the restless nights, whenever when i'm overloaded with stress.

How can I go on alone?

::kuanru:: signing off

~Thanks for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.~

I've met alot of people. Different types of people. Each of them i believe wears a mask to hide their hideous self, to get acceptance from others. I can't deny that, most of the time, i do wear masks. Infront of different people i wore different mask to portray myself. Sometimes, i get tired and i even wondered, who am i actually. Is this what i want? Why should i hide myself from them? Why should i be afraid of them? I have what they have, i might have more than they do. People influence people. Thats what the world is all about. I've learnt a lesson that never trust someone so easily. The one that you trust the most hurts you most deeply. Some people might twist the fact infront of you and infront of others, if you all get what i mean..

Anyway, there's this someone i would like to thank. I really appreciate him for coming into my life. Tho' there're lots of misunderstanding every now and then, lots of tears, sadness and dissapointments, but when i look back, it's just a minor problem and shouldn't fuss about it. I even felt that i'm so childish for behaving as such. He had been so, so patient to me.

Infront of him, i'm me. just me.
Infront of him, i don't have to wear on the mask.
Infront of him, i can talk about everything. Everything that i want to.
He knows me very well. I heart him. Really..

Will miss you.. ~ Thank you for being such a darling!! ~

::kuanru:: signing off *i heart jay*

~today..~

Today, finally, everything is turning better. Will it last? I'm not going to sleep tonight, in case this is just a dream, and afraid that everything will be gone after i wakeup. Finally, i've got answer to my every questions.

Friday, I'm looking forward toward this day. Hopfully, everything will go on smoothly. Tomorrow would be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and FRIDAY!! The day of love, the day of joy, the day of hope!!

Let's welcome FRIDAY with open arms. :D

::kuanru:: signing off

~I've learnt..~

My supervisor once told me, 'work hard, but know how to love yourself, once in awhile, buy stuff for yourself, spoil yourself.'

I've been going through really, really hard time for the past few weeks. And i guess it's time for me to keep moving on. I know, some of you, or everyone of you might say, 'you should do it long long time ago'. Here I am, learning to get up, and fly free. Learning to laugh out loud, laugh from my heart. I belief, i can do it!

So, to love myself, i would like to buy myself some nice nice dresses and tops. And here I am, online shopping AGAIN! However, i still haven't makeup my mind which one to buy and also i don't have money. Anyone willing to sponsor me? i promise, i won't reject. :)

::kuanru:: signing off *love ME*

~Meaning Of Life~

I've learnt the meaning of life during the trip to Johor. Well, it was my first time been there. I can say that the experience is not only good, but it's excellent. I not only get the knowledge and experience, but i suddenly get the meaning of life, the meaning of love. With the love of God, knowing that he will be the one always by our side, giving us strength, giving everyone all his love, I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I am not alone!! I am loved.

::kuanru:: signing off