Out of a sudden, i miss her.. I really, really miss her... We haven't talk for almost a month, and I don't have a chance to talk to her anymore. I don't know how to put my feelings into word, I don't know how to express how I feel now. I can only said that I am down..
I still have her picture in my phone, but only one, one and only picture of us together. Belated Remorse... I was trying to reminising the memories we had together..i'm afraid, i'm afraid that i might forgot...
To my friends out there, please take good care of yourself!!! PLEASE!!!!!
::kuanru:: signing off
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
~ Job satisfaction vs salary ~
Went to career fair today.. Alot of companies, alot of opportunities.. But i'm interested in none of them.. Banking, telemarketing, telecommerce, finance, sales.. everything deals with money, money and money.. But, what if i said, i'm not interested? But, the pay is really high, for a fresh grads... How????
Aiyo~
Study, or Work? Work at ur interest? or Work for those company with high salary?
Aiyo~
I wanted to take the road not taken....^^
::kuanru:: signing off
Aiyo~
Study, or Work? Work at ur interest? or Work for those company with high salary?
Aiyo~
I wanted to take the road not taken....^^
::kuanru:: signing off
Friday, March 27, 2009
~ an un-replied sms ~
it's been two days she haven't replied my sms.. i guess i will never receive her sms again. She, will never leave sms-es unattended. Every sms surely she will replied, and mind you, even a forward sms. Although i knew her isn't for a long time, but she filled my internship dayz with colours and laughter.
Yesterday morning, i received an emergency news. She was admitted to the hospital. And her condition wasn't good. Paid her a visit after class. I was heartache!!! i nearly brokedown. Machines and tubes around and on her, she is even smaller than before, very small. She looks tired, but she knew we were there. I was afraid to receive sms, afraid that i'll receive another bad news. But, the bad news came to me later that night, she's not here anymore.
She, was born muscular dystrophy, if i got it correctly. She, can't walk, since she was born, she, is very thin, very very thin. But, every morning, she went to market to buy veges for everybody. You may ask how, the market is full with people. Her wheelchair, sometimes may not fit a small spaces. But she, wakeup earlier than everybody every morning, try her best to fullfill everyone's needs on what to buy, and what to had for breakfast. After doing her spendings in the market, we will had breakfast together. I will never ever forget the days we gossips together, and talk together.
They said, it's God's will. Some said, God has been very 'generous' to her. Some said, it's a release for her. They had their point.
But, i said, i don't want!! I don't want to lost her. I said, it's too soon. I said, i haven't bid goodbye to her. I said, i still want to talk to her. God, i'm missing her now.
Rest in peace my dear friend. Now that she's with God, and i guess her life will be better there. With no tubes and machines around her anymore.
::kuanru:: signing off *down down down*
Yesterday morning, i received an emergency news. She was admitted to the hospital. And her condition wasn't good. Paid her a visit after class. I was heartache!!! i nearly brokedown. Machines and tubes around and on her, she is even smaller than before, very small. She looks tired, but she knew we were there. I was afraid to receive sms, afraid that i'll receive another bad news. But, the bad news came to me later that night, she's not here anymore.
She, was born muscular dystrophy, if i got it correctly. She, can't walk, since she was born, she, is very thin, very very thin. But, every morning, she went to market to buy veges for everybody. You may ask how, the market is full with people. Her wheelchair, sometimes may not fit a small spaces. But she, wakeup earlier than everybody every morning, try her best to fullfill everyone's needs on what to buy, and what to had for breakfast. After doing her spendings in the market, we will had breakfast together. I will never ever forget the days we gossips together, and talk together.
They said, it's God's will. Some said, God has been very 'generous' to her. Some said, it's a release for her. They had their point.
But, i said, i don't want!! I don't want to lost her. I said, it's too soon. I said, i haven't bid goodbye to her. I said, i still want to talk to her. God, i'm missing her now.
Rest in peace my dear friend. Now that she's with God, and i guess her life will be better there. With no tubes and machines around her anymore.
::kuanru:: signing off *down down down*
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
~ why? ~
What happen?
How i wish to...
Leave everything behind..........
But, there's still something and someone that i can't left behind...
If, and only if, there's just us....
I DON'T CARE NOW...
::kuanru:: signing off
How i wish to...
Leave everything behind..........
But, there's still something and someone that i can't left behind...
If, and only if, there's just us....
I DON'T CARE NOW...
::kuanru:: signing off
~ precious ~
they met and fall in love..
both have been accompanied me when i'm really down.. really really down...tears have been running down my cheeks for past few nights.. alot of problems have been haunting me..and yet, who should i talk to?
love, will lead me..will help me find a way...i hope so....
::kuanru:: signing off
Saturday, March 21, 2009
~ Proudly Present... ~
!!!My Baby!!!!
I'm touched when i see this done!! I wanted to thank everyone for giving guidance and support, for being so patient with me, especially when i grambled about this and that, everything seems to be so wrong during that time, especially the last few days of the due date, i've clogged my brain, and i felt so frustrated.
I'm loving it.. more dramas that i've missed...and i want to go home...
::kuanru:: signing off
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
~ Graduation by Vitamin C ~
Before things get started, i've passed up the last assignment for this semester, or should I say, for my degree? Erm, although i'm still kinda worry that there will be problems for my FYP. Ok, i'm sending out negative aura to the universe, as in 'The Secret', but i can't stop myself from worrying about that. I'll just try to shoo this thoughts away..'shoooh'...
Anyway, i was repeating listening to this song since morning just now. My tears fall.. This song reminds me again and again how time flies. A question aired out by miss Chua Sock Kean yesterday, 'When is the last time us gang went to watch movie at the cinema together?', and the answer to herself is 'Snake on the Plane'. I suddenly realized that was the first time we watched movie together, when we were in first year, first semester.
Through good times and bad times, we have gone through, together. It's time for us to think of our future. Will we be meeting again? I'll be missing those crazee old days with the crazee gang, but definitely not UTAR i guess, it spoilt my pendrive, remember?... Two more months to go...time really flies and it is already three years...
sobsob....
::kuanru:: signing off
Anyway, i was repeating listening to this song since morning just now. My tears fall.. This song reminds me again and again how time flies. A question aired out by miss Chua Sock Kean yesterday, 'When is the last time us gang went to watch movie at the cinema together?', and the answer to herself is 'Snake on the Plane'. I suddenly realized that was the first time we watched movie together, when we were in first year, first semester.
Through good times and bad times, we have gone through, together. It's time for us to think of our future. Will we be meeting again? I'll be missing those crazee old days with the crazee gang, but definitely not UTAR i guess, it spoilt my pendrive, remember?... Two more months to go...time really flies and it is already three years...
sobsob....
::kuanru:: signing off
Monday, March 16, 2009
~ Peope are not behaving according to their age.. ~
I've post about this before, but today, i still want to post about this, because i just simply feels like doing so. If you're asking why, here it is...
No.1. People around my age should be independent. Right? No? Okay. Dissapointed. Define INDEPENDENT. Self governing, as defined by the The-sau-rus... But, what i saw is, people preferred to be spoonfed rather than giving opinion or 'discussing'. It can't be denied that, there are still very determinant people around, but, unfortunately.... For example, "I don't know how to do this and that.."or pretend not to listen when task were devided. When asked about 'where's your work?', they will go "am i suppose to do that?", or "izit? sorry, i don't know"... i am once one of them, but i trt to do my best to find the answer. Aren't this is what suppose to be?
No.2. 'He's rich, he loves me, i love him too...' 'she's mine. she's beautiful, she's the most prettiest lady on earth..' do you have to show off the other half of yours every single day? i even get some people saying, 'we make love last night', and here goes, describing the process aaallll the way. it doesn't matter if you want to share, but from A to Z you're describing, it's.... what does that have to do with me anyway? okay, i am happy for you to found your love partner. Congratulations. But, showing off infront of me irritated me alot. it is just so ANNOYING!!! so what if he loves you? so what if he is rich? so what if she's pretty and kind? So what? I don't have one meh? You don't have to show off okay!! It's YOUR business...
No.3. to the bullies out there. I hope you know eng-lish, or should i write in man-lish? or i can write in chinese to. Oh, i'm so capable... If you're a Professional gangster, act professionally. You know, with coats and slacks, talk politely, no shouting at one another. I should start up a class for professional gangsters.. I can't stand gangsterism, and don't act as if you're a 'gangster' but actually you're afraid of a mice.
No.4. i can't think of any..will add in the list one day...
::kuanru:: signing off *not in a good mood today*
No.1. People around my age should be independent. Right? No? Okay. Dissapointed. Define INDEPENDENT. Self governing, as defined by the The-sau-rus... But, what i saw is, people preferred to be spoonfed rather than giving opinion or 'discussing'. It can't be denied that, there are still very determinant people around, but, unfortunately.... For example, "I don't know how to do this and that.."or pretend not to listen when task were devided. When asked about 'where's your work?', they will go "am i suppose to do that?", or "izit? sorry, i don't know"... i am once one of them, but i trt to do my best to find the answer. Aren't this is what suppose to be?
No.2. 'He's rich, he loves me, i love him too...' 'she's mine. she's beautiful, she's the most prettiest lady on earth..' do you have to show off the other half of yours every single day? i even get some people saying, 'we make love last night', and here goes, describing the process aaallll the way. it doesn't matter if you want to share, but from A to Z you're describing, it's.... what does that have to do with me anyway? okay, i am happy for you to found your love partner. Congratulations. But, showing off infront of me irritated me alot. it is just so ANNOYING!!! so what if he loves you? so what if he is rich? so what if she's pretty and kind? So what? I don't have one meh? You don't have to show off okay!! It's YOUR business...
No.3. to the bullies out there. I hope you know eng-lish, or should i write in man-lish? or i can write in chinese to. Oh, i'm so capable... If you're a Professional gangster, act professionally. You know, with coats and slacks, talk politely, no shouting at one another. I should start up a class for professional gangsters.. I can't stand gangsterism, and don't act as if you're a 'gangster' but actually you're afraid of a mice.
No.4. i can't think of any..will add in the list one day...
::kuanru:: signing off *not in a good mood today*
~ i IS speechless... ~
i IS now very speechless.. i IS now very hot.. i IS now at my UNIVERSITY's computer lab.. with snail pace connection speed, oven temparature room, you tell me, y study utar? u tell me, y utar my choice? u tell me!!! I'm hot!!! I Is Hot!!! UTAR, my choice!!!!! I, cross my heart, won't ever study in UTAR again!! seriously...
::kuanru:: signing off
::kuanru:: signing off
Sunday, March 15, 2009
~ a FRIEND that i once knew.. ~
Was so surprise to see someone whom i've long lost contact with, leave a message on my shoutout box!! She was a friend of mine, whom i know three years ago, before i enter UTAR. It's so unbelivable for me, until now, i consider her as a good friend of mine whom i can share things with, and FYI, we just know each other for one day!! We can't even trust a person even we've known them for ages...
Back to three years ago,
When I was at the junction of choosing HELP uni or UTAR, I went to HELP uni to have a trial on their lectures. Well, first impression of HELP uni, their lecture hall IS a lecture hall, with a stage that lecturers can stand on, and the aircond is working, bla-bla-bla... before that, when we (me and my family, i was a coward during that time, XD) reached HELP, the buildings are quite messy, maybe i don't get used to it. Here comes a lady, with an umbrella. Asked for direction to that particuar building, and fortunately, she was heading towards the same building, same room, and too, she's from KELANTAN!!! what a coincidence. From then, we build acquaintances..
She is a sweet friend. Really.. Friendly, helpful, kind and nice.. Although i knew her for just one day, however, we did contact each other on and off.. recently, we lost contact... She had flew to England (or was it Australia)? Ahh, i miss that day... :) and i miss you!!!! Now only i knew that she had created a blog, here it is <click>
::kuanru:: signing off *missing loh siew wen* ^^
Back to three years ago,
When I was at the junction of choosing HELP uni or UTAR, I went to HELP uni to have a trial on their lectures. Well, first impression of HELP uni, their lecture hall IS a lecture hall, with a stage that lecturers can stand on, and the aircond is working, bla-bla-bla... before that, when we (me and my family, i was a coward during that time, XD) reached HELP, the buildings are quite messy, maybe i don't get used to it. Here comes a lady, with an umbrella. Asked for direction to that particuar building, and fortunately, she was heading towards the same building, same room, and too, she's from KELANTAN!!! what a coincidence. From then, we build acquaintances..
She is a sweet friend. Really.. Friendly, helpful, kind and nice.. Although i knew her for just one day, however, we did contact each other on and off.. recently, we lost contact... She had flew to England (or was it Australia)? Ahh, i miss that day... :) and i miss you!!!! Now only i knew that she had created a blog, here it is <click>
::kuanru:: signing off *missing loh siew wen* ^^
Saturday, March 14, 2009
~ YAHOO!!! ~
I've passed up my softbound for FYP!!! I know i shouldn't be happy so much, because i don't know wether i've done it correctly or not, but, i've slept less than five hours in two days, and i have a terrible headache on the day to hand in the softbound. I'm totally exhausted!!! and relieve at the same time!!! UTAR, speechless.....
::kuanru:: signing off
::kuanru:: signing off
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
~ UTAR, my worst decision EVAH!!! ~
I have had enough for UTAR!!!!
Lame facilities, lousy toilets with shits sometimes, remind me of my kindergarten’s toilet, terrible computer labs with sometimes no aircond, I TAHAN…
Have to pay for the school bus, and mind you, 70cents per ride, to and flo, RM1.40 per day, which I rather wait for public transport or walk, I TAHAN..
Have to walk from blocks to blocks, and FYI, blocks to blocks here isn’t near, it’s like from one end of the road to the other end of the road, which takes about 10minutes walk, I TAHAN..
Library with limited resources and yet, so far, which located at another end of a short road, I TAHAN…
Study in factories, I TAHAN…
But today, I beh tahan….
My pendrive was burn because of UTAR’s computer!!!!!
Shouldn’t you tell us to save our data before you ask the technicians to repair the electricity? Shouldn’t you close the ict lab temporarily if you are expecting a technician? Don’t you know that there will be a teeneetiny possibility that there will be a short circuit? You’re a complete idiot if you don’t know this..MahaiCCB
See? My data gone. Who is going to take this responsibility? I’ve FYP and assignment dateline due this week, and it’s on Friday..FYP, Journals, Assignments, Photos, Songs, GONE!!!! CB
Someone will say that, people will never be satisfied. True.. The only thing that I’m satisfy with UTAR is because I make friends there, and met some wonderful lecturers.. other than that? NO WAY!!
I’m pissed off…
::kuanru:: signing off
Lame facilities, lousy toilets with shits sometimes, remind me of my kindergarten’s toilet, terrible computer labs with sometimes no aircond, I TAHAN…
Have to pay for the school bus, and mind you, 70cents per ride, to and flo, RM1.40 per day, which I rather wait for public transport or walk, I TAHAN..
Have to walk from blocks to blocks, and FYI, blocks to blocks here isn’t near, it’s like from one end of the road to the other end of the road, which takes about 10minutes walk, I TAHAN..
Library with limited resources and yet, so far, which located at another end of a short road, I TAHAN…
Study in factories, I TAHAN…
But today, I beh tahan….
My pendrive was burn because of UTAR’s computer!!!!!
Shouldn’t you tell us to save our data before you ask the technicians to repair the electricity? Shouldn’t you close the ict lab temporarily if you are expecting a technician? Don’t you know that there will be a teeneetiny possibility that there will be a short circuit? You’re a complete idiot if you don’t know this..MahaiCCB
See? My data gone. Who is going to take this responsibility? I’ve FYP and assignment dateline due this week, and it’s on Friday..FYP, Journals, Assignments, Photos, Songs, GONE!!!! CB
Someone will say that, people will never be satisfied. True.. The only thing that I’m satisfy with UTAR is because I make friends there, and met some wonderful lecturers.. other than that? NO WAY!!
I’m pissed off…
::kuanru:: signing off
Monday, March 9, 2009
~ this was my first time ~
Date : 8th of March, 2009...
Time : 9:30pm, after having a walk at Taman Megah Pasar Malam
Venue : In the car
Feelings: Excited, Nervous, Super-duper HAPPY!!!!
It started off with a bad day, arguments, arguments and arguments, mountains of assignments to be completed within one day, pending fyp result to be analyse and until today, i'm still facing problems with SPSS, but that's not the point.. The point is...
Let the picture do the talking.. XD
~ Did you spot it? ~
Yahooo... Out of a sudden, i'm feeling just so LUCKY!!!! Wahahaha... I wanted to thanks my parents, oh ya, mummy, if you're reading this, i din't buy this everytime ya, don't misunderstood, my someone who help me bought this, to the two car owners who have 3813 as their number plates, and many more... :)
I'm LUCKY!!!!
Dinner time.. chaoz
::kuanru:: signing off
Sunday, March 8, 2009
~ If only u knew.. ~
If only someone knew what I'm thinking right now...
If only someone knew what I need right now...
If only someone can direct me on what to do right now...
I'm posting this so that someone might tell me what should I do now and next...
I want to go home...
This is exactly how I'm feeling now..Pegang kepala..
People who are in the same class as me, last semester from UTAR, are you feeling the same, or am i just the only one?? Please let me know that I'm not the only one who is feeling this way..
::kuanru:: signing off
Saturday, March 7, 2009
~ Nothing seems to be enough! ~
What am I going to do to satisfy somebody?
Am I capable enough to satisfy everybody around me?
Am I? Or Am I not?
Helpless.... I can't even satisfy my ownself, how am i going to satisfy everyone around me? Trying to be someone I'm not? I'm Tired..
::kusnru:: signing off
Am I capable enough to satisfy everybody around me?
Am I? Or Am I not?
Helpless.... I can't even satisfy my ownself, how am i going to satisfy everyone around me? Trying to be someone I'm not? I'm Tired..
::kusnru:: signing off
Monday, March 2, 2009
~ What to do? ~
First of all, photos!!! Haven't been uploading photos for months. These were taken ages ago during the trip to cameron. Thanks to that someone. He doesn't allow me to post his photo, so that's it, only me.. There are more, but, i'm just too lazy and i've lotz of things to do okay? XD
Midterm AGAIN tomorrow, 8am, WTF, so early, and one more this coming Friday. Assignments dateline is in like one or two weeks time, FYP draft submission is also around that time. I'm going crazee.... How come study can't be more interesting? Haven't they got anything more interesting for us to do? You may ask, if not stuy, then what? working? shaking legs?
True, if not study, what am i going to do?
This question have been 'dancing' in my head since the beginning of the semester, and my mum is 'forcing' me with questions like 'what's your plan if not continue your master?', 'do you still want to continue your studies at Australia?', then if i say no, this is the answer i'll get, 'why not?', or 'go la, to see another world'. Ya, true, to further study overseas is really a good opportunity, but, there are reasons i don't want to go there Alone!! 1. Homesickness. I've serious homesick even at KL, what more, Australia. I need two years to overcome my homesickness, and i still get it once in awhile, especially lately. 2. I want to earn my own to go to study overseas. 3. I seriously don't like text books and I hate studies.
You may ask, then how?
I answer, I don't know!! I seriously don't know!! Just bare with me okay. I'm stress all over. Can I just think about this matter after i finish all my assignments, FYPs and Finals? Friends around me are busy looking for job recruitment section of The Sun, sureying through jobstreet, interview, this and that... They are creating more stress!! just feel like locking myself inside the room.
Okay, that's enough for ramblings. have to get my ass on the assignments and books for tomorrow's test.
::kuanru:: signing off
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